We have all been there right? That pit in your stomach feeling that things just aren't right... it continues to grow and grow and you just can't shake it. I have been in this "place" for a very long time, too long. If you try to juggle a business and family chances are you have been there too.
Well it all came to a head last Saturday at about 9:00 am as I sat in awe of the photographer that spoke in front of me. I was attending my dream workshop with Barb Uil of Jinky Art. Let me take you back in time 7 months ago.... I had just by chance written Barb to find out if they were visiting the US this summer and where they might be doing workshops. As luck would have it she was coming to my area, a mere 40 minutes from my home. You better believe I was signing up for the workshop. I honestly don't think this was a coincidence, this workshop happened in a location that I could go because God knew I needed what Barb was about to say.
Barb began the workshop as I assume most would and quickly dove into aspects of finding creativity and being true to yourself. The conversation evolved to having a creative space and the benefits this brings to you. It was during this conversation I was moved to tears. You see I have a creative space in my home, in fact I spend more time in this space than I do any other room in our entire home. Late nights, early mornings, during the day..... so much so that I have lost so many important moments with my family. She mentions the moment you are sitting at the computer and your kids come to talk to you and you just do the uh, uh, uh. They walk away from you thinking you aren't even there.
Oh my gosh I was just hit by a train. This was who I had become. Was she living in my house? Did my kids meet her before hand? I sat their welling with tears inside... things have to change I said to myself.
Sure I walked away from this workshop with plenty of new knowledge about photography, business and creativity BUT this is the most important thing that will stick with me for the rest of my days. I begin to cry just thinking about it.
I am positive Barb was placed into my life when I needed it the most to tell me something I needed to hear. She will never know the gift she gave back to me, my husband and my children. I may never become a professional photographer, that is something I can live with. What I can't live with is the wife/mother I have become. There will always be time for design work and business emails. My children will never be young again, these moments will never happen again.... I am not missing any more shots!